“Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on” this particular saying I took to mean “stuff all of your feelings, don’t grieve, don’t show others your sadness, fears or anxiety”. Don’t make time to process or give room for negative emotions. The problem with this shortsighted saying and belief is that if an individual continues to “stuff” or “hide” negative thoughts and/or feelings they WILL rise to the surface. In order to keep the pain, suffering and feelings at bay the individual may self-medicate by way of drugs, alcohol, etc. in order to numb or escape. In addition, they may become very controlling as an ineffective coping strategy to TRY and prevent certain things from happening that they believe may cause negative feelings. A lot of people think that stuffing feelings or denying feelings is the best way to handle life. When in fact the healthier alternative is to express, process and share (with trusted individuals) situations, events and transitions. This is not to say that you don’t eventually “carry on” but before you do…give yourself time to process and validate uncomfortable feelings, pain and trauma.